someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My life is pants optional.
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