Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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