Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
