i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
