She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
