She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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