My underwear smells like fireworks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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