if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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