he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just tell him i said nine months
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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