went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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