I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
