Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
