He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
