I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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