bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
