I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
