to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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