Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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