Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
