dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
