well I can't set my house on fire every night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
