I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
soo... how was my night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
