oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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