you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
