can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
