i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
