you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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