this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
