Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
