i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
