Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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