i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
