His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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