I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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