I would go down on you faster than GM stock
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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