Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
