just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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