I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
