I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
