My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
