This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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