so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
