The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
