I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
