what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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