why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
