All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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