She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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