Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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