My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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