evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
